Tony Quarrington

(10 am, Steep Street Coffee House)
Only two people,
It’s ninety degrees out there,
I’m an OAP
And I don’t need the money.

I really can’t be arsed;
I think I’ll just order
Another pot of Earl Grey.

(checking phone)
Please let there be a new message
Saying they can’t make it.
I do wish their car would break down,
Or they can’t find the bottom of the Old High Street
Where we are scheduled to meet.
Or – wash my mouth – one of them is taken ill.

Damn……no messages.

What’s wrong with me?
I whinge and whine
About people not turning up,
And then when I get bookings
I can’t be bothered!

But wait a minute.

I’m a pro,
I can’t let them down.

And it’s time,
I can’t get out of this.

Right…..deep breaths,
Big smile.
Let’s do this.

Sigh.

(Three hours later, back in Steep Street Coffee House, knackered and sunburnt)

Well, that was great!
What a nice couple,
Showed a real interest,
Even laughed at my lame jokes.

So what do I do now?

Well, that’s obvious,
A beer and a toasted sandwich.

But then what?
The day is still young.
Go home, flake out
And watch some crap tv?

Or stumble into a bar
For another beer?

Wander round the harbour?
Oh no, I’ve just done that.

Promote the next tour?
No it’s too soon.

Throw myself off the East Head?
Now that would be reckless.

Jump around in Chummy’s fountain?
No, I might get arrested for that.

No, what I need to do is another tour.

Now.

I wonder if I can find another couple.

No, I can’t be arsed.

Beer it is then.